Can't Decide Which Wiglet is Just Right?

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Queen Beehive, RIP

Ah, the hairburners of Belgium are all in black this weekend, for the world has lost one of the last remaining original devotees of the Big Hair Lifestyle.  I've put a little black crepe around the door to the break room to mark the passing of Fabiola, Queen of the Belgians, a woman whose benign but unfocused air of general graciousness I've long attributed to the miasma of AquaNet in which she spent her days.

Fabiola's death leaves Princess Beatrix (ex-Queen) of the Netherlands as possessor of the largest royal hairdo, and in her wake the pickings are few indeed.  On a good day the Duchess of Cornwall puts up a good show, but her trademark look is more about feathered volume than true Helmet Hair; Sofia of Spain has had her moments, but the current precariousness of the Spanish throne is leading that family to a regrettable level of quiet good taste.  The UK's Queen is a trademark helmet, true, but of disappointingly modest proportions (and, truth to tell, starting as she heads toward 90 to show just a little of the thinning that that so beset her late lamented mother).

No, I fear that unless Dame Fashion reverses course on us, we're up for more boring looks like those of the current Belgian and Spanish queens, or even worse the yawn-inducing longer hair favored by the Duchess of Cambridge and the various Scandinavian crown princesses.

All the more reason to celebrate the life and example of Fabiola, a genuine Royal Hair Hopper.  In her honor, I'm offering half-off on any 'do with a final circumference of more than three feet, this week only.

Glamour is a Total Package

Miss Josephine Baker wants to take a moment to remind you:  nothing sets off a truly fine wig like ambitious accessories and makeup that can be seen from the third balcony. Or outer space.

Four little words of advice.

Ac·ces·so·rize.

Turban Renewal

Remember, beauty operators - if a coiffure is simply unsalvageable, wrap it up and drape some beads on it. You can tell the biggest old battleaxe in the place she looks just like Sophia Loren and she'll leave happy.

(But when you do it, please don't use the shampoo towels - we're running out!)

Challenging Clients #13

No matter how many clients get backed up on a Monday morning, Mrs. Melvin (Flora) Carmichael always wants the full-on glamour package, and you can bet she wants a discount for being a weekly.

It's bad enough having to match her bangs to her goddam turkey-feather pillbox, and it's taking more and more time every week just to find her thin little lips in order to stencil on her Max Factor Crimson Demoiselle, but lately I'm having trouble convincing her that it's just not possible to cloak her permanently in a soft-focus haze.  I think I'll have to call her husband and tell him it's time to Vaseline the mirrors...

A Head Of Broccoli

I've finally discovered how to integrate my passion for outrageous hair design with my love of gardening. 

Regrettably, you can smell her hairdo from the other room. 

[via]

This is Spinal Tap

Between the earrings and the 'do, this dame is going to have serious osteoporosis.