Sunday, December 26, 2010

Hair Drama

It all started last Tuesday....

My long-time client, actress Evelyn Brent, came in for her weekly appointment.  She said she wanted an overhaul and that she'd like to have a perm.  "No problem", I chirped.  She's a great tipper anyway, and I knew this was going to get me some extra Christmas money.  So I get her wrapped and under the perm machine and then I go back to the break room for a cigarette.

There sits Donna Lethal staring at the push broom, giggling.  So I go, "Hey" and she says, "I have a present for you.  Close your eyes and open your mouth."  Well she makes this amazing fudge every year so I'm thinking, 'cool'.  I close my eyes and open my mouth and she throws this pill so far into the back of my throat, that I immediately swallow it.

"Merry Christmas" she purrs and starts to leave.  She gets to the door and turns around, and with a look of complete awe says, "You're really beautiful."  She glides around the corner.  Just as I was musing about just what substance she was on, the next thing I knew, time and my mind were locked in a race to see which could bend the furthest.

With my next lucid thought, I glanced at the wall clock and realized that 3 hours had passed.  Shit-Evelyn!  I ran out and got her unhooked from the machine, had her washed, and put her in my chair with her back to the mirror.  For the next 45 minutes I put every product in the shop on her hair and worked my ass off and finally got it looking pretty good.  She gave me a wad of cash and a kiss on the cheek and left.  Whew, I thought, that was a close one!

So Thursday in comes Joan Blondell.  She had seen Evelyn the day before and now she wants a perm.  (clearly Evelyn hadn't washed all the product out of her hair yet)  "Fab idea doll!  Follow me," I said.  I took her back, prepped her and got her under the machine and brought her a telephone.

As I started to head for the break room, Donna caught my eye and gave me the high sign.  'Oh no you don't' I thought and decided I'd be better served if I just straightened  and restocked the product shelves instead.  Just as I was putting out the last New Year's Eve tiara, I heard this blood curdling high pitched screech.  It was TJB, one hand on his pearls the other over his heart.  I wheeled around to the direction of his stare, and there was Evelyn:

She was completely out of her mind screaming, "You!  You've ruined my hair!  Ruined my Career!!  RUINED MY LIFE!!!"

All of this in front of Joan.

Before I could do anything to stop them, they had both managed to unhook Joan and the ran out of the place.

I turned around and everyone in the salon was staring at me.  Except for Donna Lethal who was nowhere to be seen......


  1. You...
    Are a god..
    Author, Author!!'
    Do you mind if I call you Author?

    & I can find Donna...
    I can track the smell of Brylcream...

  2. now that we know you'll swallow
    anything put in your mouth, all bets are off.

  3. Didn't know you were a betting man, Norma.

  4. If you have destroyed Evelyn's career by frying her hair think of this: there is always television for her.

  5. That's right, Cookie.

    Or as they say, "She has a face for radio."

  6. You ARE beautiful! Everyone is beautiful! I was born blonde! Only my hairdresser knows for sure! Are they mother and daughter? I'm a Breck girl! Sprays in, brushes out!
    THUMP... ouch.
    Where AM I?